A lot of people get taken in by the facade and the bravado displayed by the Narcissists in their lives….
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Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to get back to all the questions I receive every day. Here’s a few…
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Learning to love yourself is among the most important work you will ever do here on this earth. When you…
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In Napoleon Hill and W. Clement Stone’s ground breaking book, Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude, the authors depict a…
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Movies, television, music, poems and plays have forever romanticized the concept of unrequited love. While the notion of a broken…
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A relationship usually goes through 4 stages. First you have two single people, next is dating, followed by a committed…
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Invoking jealousy, creating drama and forcing their partners to make impossible choices are just a few of the ways a Narcissist gets…
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“Then you must make your future dream a present fact. You do this by assuming the feeling of your wish…
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I can recall, early in my dating career, many occasions where I really let myself down. There were plenty of…
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Kristie and Steve had been seeing each other on and off for almost 4 years. It has really been more…
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Last week we talked about the ways in which a Narcissist creates dependency. This week I wanted to finish off…
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Denial is a big part of Codependency – denial that anything is wrong, denial of your feelings, denial about your childhood,…
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“Courage is resistance to fear, not absence of fear.” -Mark Twain Fear, it can be debilitating. It can keep us…
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Last weekend was my ex-Narcissist’s birthday and I’m the one that ended up with the present. Let me preface this…
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Ghosting, the silent treatment, the disappearing act, radio silence – no matter what you call it, when your partner makes…
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For those of us who know we don’t have it, self-esteem is that ever elusive mystery quality that would magically…
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None is this is fair. You didn’t deserve the way you were treated, or the way you were discarded and…
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What is wrong with my thinking? How did I get this way? How should I be reacting? These are among…
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Codependency is a disease of the self. It’s our own misinterpretation of who we really are and of our significance…
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I’m always on the lookout for something that inspires me and moves me into deep thought or action. A lot…
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Growing up I learned to see the world through a very critical lens. I came by it honestly. It was…
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When you have one half of a couple, that takes responsibility for nothing and liberally distributes blame to the other…
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For a codependent in a relationship, there comes that inevitable moment where you realize that you have done too much,…
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“If I have seen further, it is because I stand on the shoulders of giants.” – Isaac Newton A mentor…
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For those of you who follow Numerology, 2016 was the last year on the current cycle. It was a 9…
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Christmas day, in my family, consists of the three siblings (me and two of my brothers), a few family friends and…
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T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house, Not a narcissist was stirring, not even a text. The…
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Abusers don’t like boundaries. They hinder their progress in getting what they want. Consequently, they choose their targets very carefully….
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“Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that are…
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Back in the early days of my journey, every day was painful to get through. I was in a constant…
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It was the wee hours of the night, a lot of laughs and several bottles of Chardonnay later, I found…
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When you’re used to having to work for love you tend to be someone who doesn’t give up too easily….
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Codependency has been described as a dysfunctional relationship with the self. What that means is that the view that we…
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“The essence of beauty doesn’t stem from the label on your clothes, the shape of your body, or the color…
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I had made of list of all the things I wanted in a man. It was great advice given to…
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Unless you live under a rock, you’ve probably heard that Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt last week….
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Losing one’s self in a relationship means willfully shedding your own identity, desires and personal goals and instead becoming consumed…
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“A belief is just a thought we keep thinking.” – Esther Hicks Have you ever gotten into your car and…
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My relationship with my long-term Narcissist was awful. I felt like I had the weight of the world on my…
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Wayne Dyer accurately quipped that, “Some people are always looking for a reason to be offended,” and most of us don’t have…
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Sometimes when I hear someone tell their story I can’t help but cringe and think in my head, “Oh boy, this…
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Why can’t I get over this? Why do I get sucked in every time? Why do I feel so powerless?…
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When we’re children our quest begins to look for clues and examples of how we fit into our environment and…
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“My biggest pet peeve?” She was asked. “It’s people who create their own problems and then complain about the outcome,…
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When we talk about starving we’re usually referring to food. Imagine if you will, that you are stranded on a…
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What would you do if your 11 year old daughter didn’t come home for a couple of weeks? What if…
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There is conflicting science on whether or not happy memories are easier to recall than sad ones. Ask anyone who’s…
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A big part of how I help others tackle their codependency is by identifying the behaviors that lead to self-sabotage…
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“Every time I step onto the court there’s a new challenge. Each opponent is different and represents a different challenge….
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Doubt is like the rude uninvited guest that keeps showing up to your party. It’s the rain on your parade….
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Have you ever been in a situation where you felt so emotionally vulnerable that anything that triggered one of your…
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To put yourself first, to actually consider your needs above all else is inconceivable to a lot of people. Take…
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To have a strategy is to have a plan. A map that clearly indicates how one gets from point A…
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We know that codependents develop the tendency to put others ahead of themselves. When they are faced with the prospect…
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For a big part of my life, I hung out on the sidelines, waiting and hoping for that one moment…
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It is the nature of the Narcissistic beast to gain at the expense of others. They are generally attracted to…
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For months I had been trying to get my long-term Narcissist to come back to me. After almost 10 years…
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I got home really late on Friday. When I pulled into my driveway, at about 1:00am, I noticed a familiar vehicle…
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“Be impeccable with your word,” it’s one of Miguel Ruiz’s principles to creating a happy and balanced life, which he…
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A lot of people want to change. They want their lives to get better. They want to leave their bad…
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I went out to dinner with my neighbor recently and the topic of conversation always seems to gravitate to Narcissism and Codependency….
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I used to hold an image of a woman in my mind. She was me, but not me. She was…
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So there I was sitting in my therapist’s office. It was more than a handful of years ago, therapy was…
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It seemed like a good idea. You’ve been pining over someone who has, in the blink of an eye, replaced…
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When people talk about those that help, or put others needs ahead of their own, they use words like nurturer,…
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One of the greatest fears victims of Narcissistic abuse have is the fear that their Narcissist will trot off into…
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Betray: verb To deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty. To be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining,…
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I love sports. I love them because they are the epitome of human endurance. They exemplify mental toughness and the…
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It’s that time of year when I like to look back, on the year that was, and reflect on some…
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So there I was many, many moons ago, out Christmas shopping, for the love in my life. I was in…
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I get downright giddy when I see something that I strongly believe in manifest in real life. I never want…
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In the initial stages of a break up, it’s incredibly difficult to focus on anything but the pain. So early…
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A couple weeks back I had dinner with one of my cousins. She recently became aware of my blog and…
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“I never would have left.” That’s what I said to my long-term Narcissist, during one of my futile attempts to…
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I went to the grocery store last week and as I was loading my food onto the conveyor belt, at…
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Inside every codependent is a child, who has been mistreated, ignored, hurt, humiliated, frightened, shamed, or abused by parents, who…
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For much of my life I lived in a state of denial. Much of it was created by the Narcissists…
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You can’t help but notice how charming the guy, 5 cubicles down from you, happens to be. He’s been flirting…
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Hey Gang!!! Savannah here, many months ago I got an urgent email from a reader, who desperately needed to talk…
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Tina was really mad at herself. She let Mark sweet talk his way back into her heart and now he…
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I remember thinking that there was a secret that everyone else knew except me. I thought once I figured out…
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Earlier this week I received a copy of the magazine that an article of mine appeared in. As I was…
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For many, practicing self-care is a life style change. It means giving up self-destructive habits. It’s a shift in perspective…
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Sometimes our hearts haven’t quite caught up to our heads and when you throw a little physiology into the mix,…
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It defies reason, logic and common sense, to want to hang on to someone, who treated you so appallingly. It’s almost…
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Imagine that you were in a relationship with someone you didn’t love. Imagine that you found this person to be…
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We’ve all heard the phrase, you’re making mountains out of molehills, which of course means, you’re making something out to…
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You’ve done all the right things. You’ve broken up with your Narcissist, you’ve gone no contact and you’ve done your…
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“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of…
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We’ve all experienced a break up or two at some point in our lives. They’re usually unpleasant, but eventually we…
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“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.” – Eckhart Tolle The body…
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“Well, he wasn’t happy,” our mutual friend said with a shrug, like it made perfect sense. In my head I…
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I loved my best friend. I still do. I hope that she is happy and thriving in her life. I’m…
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There is a beauty bias in our culture. People, who possess beauty, get more advantages and more opportunities than the…
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I felt stuck and uncomfortable for much of my life and as much as I tried, I couldn’t figure out a…
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There were two things that kept me stuck in the relationship with my boomerang Narcissist. One was the feelings it evoked…
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Motivation, drive, desire, passion, whatever you want to call it, people have been trying to figure out how to get…
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Anxiety is a debilitating disease. It’s those oppressive thoughts and feelings that become so overwhelming that you can barely function,…
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“When we protect ourselves so we won’t feel pain, that protection becomes like armor that imprisons the softness of the…
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I get a lot of emails asking a lot of the same types of questions and so this week I…
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We all want to be liked, it’s part of the human condition, but that need can become excessive and unhealthy…
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Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people. Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond…
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“When it comes to relationships I just have two different people inside fighting for supremacy.” – Narcissist One of the most…
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If you don’t initially wish your cheating Narcissist ill will after they’ve left you for another, you are probably among…
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“When your eye is always searching for the negative you can’t help but miss much of life’s beauty.” – S. Grey My…
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What is normal? What does healthy look like? We talk a lot about being healthy on this site, but If…
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We’ve all had cringe-worthy moments that we can shelve in the ‘not my finest hour’ section of our memory banks. …
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“You create your own universe as you go along.” – Winston Churchill Tanya and her siblings were taken from their…
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A Narcissist’s greatest advantage is that their behavior is often contradictory, inconsistent and inexplicable to those closest to them. People…
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“For some reason, we are truly convinced that if we criticize ourselves, the criticism will lead to change. If we…
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“And pity – people who inspire it in you are actually very powerful people. To get someone else to take…
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“I’m good enough. I’m smart enough and doggone it people like me.” – Stuart Smalley When someone mentions affirmations, the…
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“I can’t do it. I just can’t walk away.” “I’m not strong enough. I’m so weak.” “As soon as he…
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The very first Valentine’s Day I spent with my Long-Term Narcissist, many, many years ago, started with him going off…
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We all have an innate need to love and be loved, to belong to something, a family, a circle of…
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The obesity/self-esteem dynamic is a topic that doesn’t get enough attention. Sure, there have been countless studies on how obesity affects…
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Fixer: Someone who engages in relationships with dysfunctional partners, with an uncontrollable need to help, give, rescue, and recreate that…
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I get a lot of emails from people that are suffering. They are going through so much emotional anguish and…
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The new year brings with it new challenges, new chapters and new beginnings. But before we look ahead I think…
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Gabriella had planned it all so perfectly. She had decorated her new condo beautifully for the holidays. All her presents were…
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Most of us want to have the ‘typical’ family holiday. We want the tree, the presents, a delicious Christmas dinner…
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There are a lot of misconceptions about hypnosis. Many people believe that they are supposed to be completely unconscious and…
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Einstein said that, ‘imagination is more important than knowledge,’ and that’s true, except when it comes to our relationships. When…
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In 1977 Colleen Stan left her home in California, to attend the birthday party of one of her friends. She…
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Willpower, determination, stick-to-itiveness, resolve, whatever you want to call it – discipline is the difference between success and giving in….
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Several weeks ago a picture of a Muslim woman, wearing a niqab, was floating around social media with the caption,…
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When your eyes first open in the morning, it’s usually because your alarm clock is making that awful aaaaaa-aaaaa-aaaaa noise….
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When I look back at young me, teenage me, 20 something me, I can’t help thinking, ‘man that little girl didn’t…
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When I first approached Max about doing another interview, he sounded pretty excited about it. I could tell this experience…
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The best blogs I have written have been ones where I’ve written straight from the heart. What I mean by…
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When I was 14 years old I met my first love. He was 18 and he was big, strong, smart…
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How well do you know your partner? Your best friend? Neighbor? Brother or sister-in-law? How well do we really know…
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Human beings are a lot less complicated than you might think . The great motivators for most people, are the desire for survival,…
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“It does give you an extra bit of a thrill. It’s forbidden, so it feels a bit more naughty and…
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We all want our relationships to workout. We’ve all grown up with the adages that relationships require work, compromise and…
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I went to my brother’s cottage this weekend and I got to spend some quality time with my nephews and…
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Imagine for a moment, that you were an emotional predator and that, in order for you to just feel normal,…
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Have you ever come across a definition or a list of symptoms, and by the time you got to the…
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Parasite: “An organism that grows, feeds, and is sheltered on, or in a different organism, while contributing nothing to the…
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I got invited to a local restaurant, to celebrate an ex-coworker’s birthday, last weekend. I didn’t know anyone else there,…
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The whole concept of forgiveness sounds like a huge cliché doesn’t it? Somehow, by some stroke of magic, forgiving someone,…
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“Are you sitting down?” “Yes,” I said. “What’s up?” “I logged into Pete’s Ipad and I found all these email…
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After my break-up many, many years ago, I accidently-on-purpose, came across the Facebook profile of my ex’s new woman. I…
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Why don’t you love me? After everything I’ve done – how could you not love me? At some point, everyone…
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I love the metamorphic dance of the butterfly. From slow, awkward, unattractive, caterpillar to elegant, graceful, beautiful, butterfly. This dance…
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The post-date analysis was one of my favorite pastimes. It was a special time, when my girlfriends and I would…
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“With it, you can take on the world, without it, you live stuck at the starting block of your potential.” …
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Dating is tough, even at the best of times, but when you’re trying to get back out there, after an…
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Addiction: a persistent, compulsive dependence on, or commitment to, a habit or practice, on a thing or substance, to the…
62 comments 
My cousin is the type of woman that always has a man, or it’s probably better to say, she’s the…
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Alisa Valdes was living the dream. She did her undergrad at Berkley and received her Masters of Journalism at Columbia….
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“I would hate to have friends over, especially around dinner time. Before every meal my father would preach to us….
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I read a quote from Anthony Robbins a couple of weeks ago and I haven’t been able to stop thinking…
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“If you struggle with being present in the now, you will struggle with life.” – Eckhart Tolle We all know…
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We’ve all had break-up moments that we aren’t particularly proud of. You know, those scenes where we left the house,…
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Dating is like investing in the stock market. We want to get the best possible return on our investment, so…
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After my long-term Narcissist and I broke up, I spent about a year and a half on self-improvement. I was…
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Imagine growing up in an environment where rather than being loved and nurtured, you’re treated like an adversary and an…
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There tends to be some confusion amongst readers on the basic template of a narcissist. I write a lot about…
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Your behavior, the days and weeks following a breakup with a Narcissist, sets the tone for the rest of your…
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When I choose a blog topic I usually get my ideas from reader emails, research, books that I’ve read, or…
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Not long ago, an acquaintance of mine ended a ten year relationship. The union was toxic and unhealthy and she…
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The late eighteenth century was ripe with Revolutions. There was an American Revolution and a French Revolution and even today,…
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I hate myself. I am flawed. I am unworthy. No one will ever love me and I will never be…
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I get a lot of emails every day and I read every single one of them. This week I received…
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In relationships, intensity can be defined as a measure or degree of emotional excitement. High intensity relationships are formed when…
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Exploitation usually begins with a promise. This promise can be explicitly expressed, or it can be simply implied. Patrick Carnes,…
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In Stockholm Sweden, in 1973 a man entered a bank and took 4 bank employees hostage. He forced the employees…
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Empowerment is a difficult concept to define. For me, empowerment means strength, courage, will, determination, confidence, autonomy and freedom, but…
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The holidays are a great occasion to spend time with family, friends and loved ones, but they can also be…
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A lot of people stay in unhealthy relationships because they have developed a belief that they can’t get another mate….
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A lot of people drift in and out of relationships without any preexisting expectations. Our expectations are our standards and…
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A few days ago I had one of those eerie ‘synchronicity’ experiences. I was contacted by a clinically diagnosed Psychopath…
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This past weekend I was driving home late at night. The moon was huge and bright. The streets were quiet…
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We all have that little voice inside of us that feeds us thoughts about how we are lacking and not good…
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I have received a few variations of the same question from readers, “Are Narcissists really aware of their behavior considering…
64 comments 
Life can change in an instant. Everyone has the ability to wake up one day and take their life in…
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There is so much attention given to spotting a Narcissist and whether, or not, you might be involved with one….
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In my journey from pain to self-love the first step for me was recognizing who I truly was. As I…
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“Step into my parlor,” said the spider to the fly – is the opening line of a well-known poem by…
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Spirituality is the foundation for change. An awareness of who you really are is the building blocks of creating a…
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Once upon a time you felt like Cinderella. Your Prince Charming made you feel special and so happy, that is…
79 comments 
I’ve received a lot of queries lately from people asking how they can get revenge against their Narcissist that left…
177 comments 
There is a longing, an aching void that exists deep in the heart of every one of us. We deny…
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Detachment is the process of letting go. It’s when we start to see things from a different perspective. When the…
246 comments 
A few years back, I went through a major life crisis. My mother was fatally injured in a car accident…
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Being caught in the haze of a Narcissistic relationship is being in a state of denial. It’s relative obliviousness to…
60 comments 
A man with a hard luck story and a broken wing is irresistible to a lot of women. Perhaps, it’s…
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Boundaries are more than just lines on a map. In relationships, they are mandatory codes of conduct that need to…
21 comments 
Think of a Narcissist like a hoarder. In the same way that a hoarder finds comfort collecting objects a Narcissist…
163 comments 
For much of my life I believed that relationships hurt. I thought that love equaled pain, because when I was…
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I had a reader tell me that a man she had dated had come back into her life. Years ago,…
40 comments 
I get a lot of emails asking the same question, “It’s all well and good to say we determine our…
8 comments 
The biggest mistake a lot of women make is they stick around way too long in their relationships. Many people…
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If you have been involved with a Narcissist, an addict, someone with a compulsive disorder or anyone with emotional or…
12 comments 
I recently received an email from a reader in Texas. I thought it might be helpful to share her experience…
79 comments 
I get a lot of emails from people that are confused about the mixed signals they receive from men in…
56 comments 
When we get rejected, treated poorly, or someone blows hot and cold in a relationship with us, we often become…
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Breaking up hurts. Rejection on any level sucks, no matter how you slice it. Most people recognize that relationships end…
231 comments 
A relationship with a Narcissist has been compared to being on a roller coaster, with immense highs and immense lows….
685 comments 
There is nothing more tantalizing to a woman than the prospect of being the one who succeeds, where all others…
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Many women, while on a first date with a man, are often already picturing the wedding in their heads, before…
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A reader asked, “My relationship with a Narcissist has scared me so much. How am I supposed to trust anyone…
65 comments 
In the early stages of a relationship with a Narcissist, he seems like the answer to a prayer. He is…
43 comments 
You’ve just met someone and you are on top of the world. You’re being lavished with excessive amounts of attention…
39 comments